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Saturday, 21 April 2012

Getting Dumped Over the Internet is Hilarious

Sure, I've been dumped over an email -- when I was 18. We were both young and I forgave him because... well, we were 100% incompatible and fought all the time.

I met a new guy and we dated for a few months and I relished the fact that maybe he and I were in many, many ways 'perfect' for each other. Not one single fight, not one single tear. Until about a month ago, out of the blue, he decided (over the internet) he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. I was upset about it, but a couple days later, he came by crying and apologizing, saying that he wanted me back and that he cared for me deeply. Okay, okay. I took him back, strike one.

Everything was perfect after that, yet again. We went to some gardens, the movies, dinner, camping... we had so much fun together. But, c'est la vie, he had to go back to work, which consists of 4 weeks on the gulf, pulling barges to and fro. When he left, I made him promise that he wouldn't try that shit on me again... because things were literally as good as they could be between us since that incident. He goes to work and 4 weeks later, he comes back. I gained a new job and recently decided to go back to school to finish my degree for elementary education... things were great the first day we saw each other. That day, we had made plans to go on a double date with my sister and her girlfriend. I had to work the next morning, but since we made plans to go to the movies at 5ish, to meet me at around 3 or 3:30, so that would give me plenty of time to get ready. He agreed.

The next day, I get off of work, thinking everything was fine and dandy. I rush to the bathroom to shower and then I go get ready... and 3 passes... 3:30 passes. I wonder where he is. So I hop online. He usually sends me a message when he's having car troubles or whatever. Only to find that he sends me this extremely long message about how we're not going to work out and blah blah blah. So, of course I was pissed off. A) For not telling me the night before that he wanted to end things, and B) For sending so many mixed signals. I told him he was bi-polar, where he continued to call me a moron, an idiot and other things. So I was fed up. Then I decided to call him a coward, because people who dump people online are exactly that. He then proceeded to call me a bitch, when I had more than a right to be angry. Of course, I'm angry! This is the second time he'd done it and he promised he wouldn't do it again.

The breakup doesn't bother me, no. I promised myself that I wouldn't get worked up if he DID decide to dump me again. And I didn't. But the fact that he called me a bitch for being rightfully angry, the FIRST time I'd EVER been angry at him. The fact that I didn't stoop so low to call him a dickhead or an asshole tells me that I was the better person in the situation. Tell me, people: should 23 year old men really act like this? Or should I go for someone even older than that? Seems like I need to, because I tend to date men who don't have a clear set of balls between their legs.

Pshew! Rant over. Now on to better things.

Wednesday, 12 January 2011

Since When Did You Become a Transformer?

Social networking sites get me at no end. From the unnecessary comments to unnecessary status updates (i.e. eating cake. -5 minutes later: tying my shoes. -2 minutes later: leaving.), it is no surprise that most of the idiotic people of this generation stay on these social networking sites, hoping to find some kind of piece of satisfaction of getting one single compliment. In this posting, I'm going to be discussing a couple things. A) People's photos. B) Most common and most unnecessary things people do to get them deleted.

A) Photos.
     1. The Transformer: Has there been a genetic mutation to cause people to give birth to cars? You can typically tell that if someone has a picture of their car in their profile picture and God forbid them in it, pointing at it like we would have otherwise been unable to see it if they weren't doing it (oh, thank goodness you have fingers!), they're a douchebag. I don't think there is a lesser amount of doucheness emitting from a photo other than a photo that resembles over-compensation.
     2. Duck Face: If you do not know what "duck face" is, go here and you'll find out. I can tolerate 1, 2, maybe 3 photos of you doing this, but if you're doing it in 3/4 of your photos, you should probably off yourself. It does NOT make you look pretty. It makes you look stupid. I saw some girl on Facebook a few days ago (she's pregnant, HAHA), and out of 35 of her profile photos, 28 of them were, you guessed it: hideously covered in duck face. Think of some other pose in your picture. Oh, for heaven's sake. Try to smile! I hear that's what normal people do in photos!
     3. The famous "MySpace Angle." Remember in the dawn of MySpace when almost everyone you came into contact under the age of 20 was going through the emo phase and almost every one of them had some sort of "angle" on them to make them look prettier? Yeah, well, it's no surprise that since nobody really uses MySpace anymore, they've all found their way to facebook. Here's a tip, though: stop with the MySpace angles. Everybody knows that when you use the MySpace angle, you're hiding something. Maybe you're trying to hide the hideous pimples on your face, or the face that you're a lot fatter than the angle makes you appear... Whatever the reason, we've caught on 5 years ago. If you're really THAT insecure with your appearance, go on to number 4.
     4. Highly Photoshopped images: I can understand if you made a photo in Photoshop because you thought it was funny and you posted it as your profile pic (we could all use a laugh once in a while), but when you've added unnecessary things to your profile picture or the God-awful glitter graphics, I really hope you get hit by a bus. There are differences between being artsy, being obnoxious, and covering up nasty features from your face. By now, we have all learned to tell the difference.

B) Mistakes.
     1. It always gets me when someone talks shit about someone on their status and then, oops. That person is on their friend's list. I laugh at this. I NEVER feel sorry for the person, because clearly they're the dumbass who didn't do a little bit of friend research to make sure they didn't see it. I, however, if I have an issue, I don't bitch about it on my status. I go straight to that person. Keep your goddamn drama off of my news feed.
     2. Have you forgotten that we no longer use MySpace nowadays? Keep the stupid games away from my news feed. The most annoying Facebook "game" to date is the number game. I flat out told everyone right when it started that if I saw them doing it, I would delete them. They did it. I deleted them. Some have since added me back and now know that I mean business when I say I'll delete them. Nearly 80 people were removed from my list. At least I know the dumbasses from the smarter ones. I see it like this: You are SPAMMING your friend's walls. You don't like it when someone posts a status every five minutes, so why would you do the same? Karma, motherfucker.
     3. Consistent pessimism. This will be short. If you constantly post a status about how much your life sucks, two things are bound to happen. One, removal from news feed. Two, removal from friends.

I know there's more, but since I think I'm going to go work out and then take a nap, I'm not going to finish it.

What are some of your pet peeves on social networking sites?

Monday, 10 January 2011

Lame Internet Pick-Up Attempts

I'm a fan of getting hit on by guys. Really, it's a nice boost to my ego, but when I get hit on by dumbasses online, I start to get pretty irritated.

Actual quote from some idiot:
"Let me eat that pussy."

Now, some of you might not think this is too bad, but let me tell you all about the history of me and this guy.

1. We talked for a total of 5 minutes.
2. He is not very intelligent (obviously).
3. The man was out of my league. Probably a 4. I'm like a 7 on my worst days (no, that's not self-absorbed - that's an average from all of the men who know me in real life).

First off, if I've known you for five minutes, sex is the last thing on my mind. How about: do you have herpes? Do you have AIDS? Do you have a collection of women's underwear on your ceiling fan? Do you have a meth lab and/or morgue in your basement? If you've answered yes to any of these questions, not only is sex out of the question now, but later also.

Secondly, I base intelligence on moderately-well formed sentences. If you are at a computer keyboard, you should be able to type a complete sentence without using abbreviations such as "u" for "you" and "2" for "to" or "too." Hell, even when I text, I text in complete sentences because I'm sick of the laziness people have come to develop because of technology.

Lastly, I know I'm not the best-looking girl in the world, and I would not admit I am, even if I was, on account of humbleness. But I know when somebody is below my standards. No, I don't base everything on looks. But if you pair the first two issues with a physical issue, you're disgusting and FAR out of my league.

After he told me "let me eat that pussy," I asked him exactly how many times that actually worked for him. But he lives in a town where sluts are rampant and anyone would fuck you for a fountain soda. Literally. As for me, I have class and self-respect enough to where I'm not going to hop on everything that offers sex. If I did, I'd probably have 4 babies and every STD in the book. But I don't.

After I told him I had class, he had the audacity to tell me that I NEEDED class.

I wonder where this man was raised. Probably somewhere that words mean the opposite of what they actually are in the real world, apparently. Dumbass.

Don't try to gain a booty call from someone you met online and have only known for 5 minutes. Unless you are, both, equally as trashy.

Wednesday, 05 January 2011

The Fat Epidemic.

America is lazy and fat.

I don't even feel like writing a long posting for this because the points I make will be obvious anyway.

Don't complain about being fat unless you're trying to do something about it, okay? You have time to work out. Stop making excuses.

Monday, 03 January 2011

"Don't Do That!"

I posted on my Facebook (no, this is not another Facebook post) status that I was going to get my septum pierced. Immediately, I got comments that were either extremely for or extremely against me getting it done.

After rolling through the comments of the people who like the idea, here are a few of the comments I received (opposing):

"but you got a cute shnoz"
"I'd stick with the monroe piercing because it looks a little classier."
"Girls look gross with those"
"ewwww"

Really, guys?

Here are my defense points:

1. Hi. This is not your face. Does it look like your face? Look in the mirror - do you see me when you look? No? Exactly.

2. Septum piercings are probably the easiest camouflaged piercings you can get. If you have a horseshoe piercing, you can push it up into your nose and voila. You can't even tell I have one.

3. I've looked decent with pretty much any piercing I've ever had. When I had my monroe done, people were pretty shocked to see that I don't look as nasty as a lot of other girls who get their monroe done. The point? It's not like I have a thousand piercings on my face. I wouldn't do that, but I would look completely fine with one in my face. No big deal.

4. It's not permanent. Stop bitching about it.

People who bitch about other people's piercings are about as bad as people bitching about a tattoo that someone already got done.

I have a friend who got bitched at and still gets bitched at (6 months down the road) after she got her lower belly tattooed.

They were like "that's going to stretch out when you have children or if you gain weight."

And in her defense, she replied: "It's my body. I know it could stretch out. And I'm not planning on having children."

Couldn't have been put better myself. Although, I would never get one there, it's HER body. Just like it's MY face to do whatever the hell I want with it.

Keep your nasty comments to yourself. I'm sure there are a few things YOU do that others don't approve of.